The degree to which ambiguity can be tolerated determines the amount of difficulty the individual can and is willing to, meet and overcome in coping with the problems of human life and in taking advantage of the opportunities life has to offer.
John D. Ingalls
We’ve all gone through it – that nagging feeling that we may not make the best decision because we can’t control the outcome. Intellectually, we know that’s life. But emotionally it can tear us apart inside. Some of us have developed the coping skills for managing this anxiety. Others struggle with it daily. Navigating these emotions when making big decisions is to be expected. But allowing this stress to paralyze us when dealing with daily challenges impairs our productivity and quality of life. So what to do?
Re-define your concerns – Like anyone, I periodically lay awake at night worrying about a decision that needs to be made. I have found, however, that I cope with this best when I get up and make a list of these concerns and then consider them in perspective. While a clear solution probably won’t appear, research has shown that simple repositioning yourself will help readjust your point of view. More than anything else, ambiguity fosters worry. We have to be proactive about dealing with it. What’s your strategy for dealing with the decisions that keep you awake?
Talk it through with yourself or others – Our daily lives are full of self-talk. Why not use it productively? The brain is programmed to keep us safe. These safety messages produce worry more often than not. Break this pattern by explaining the challenge out loud to an imaginary friend or, better still, someone whose willing to listen. I don’t know about you, but a lot of my worry seems to go away when I explain the situation to someone else.
Anticipate the unexpected – Over the years, I’ve logged about 1.5 million miles flying around the world conducting seminars. I’ve also gotten lost and stuck more times than I can count. I’ve learned to reduce the stress using two mental messages: First, I accept that “it is what it is.” In other words, stuff is going to happen. But in the big picture, I’m safe, I have resources, and I have resilience. In the scheme of things, this is just one small obstacle in a very blessed life.
Second, I repeat, “I love an adventure. I love an adventure.” I may not believe it at first, but this philosophy convinces me over time that the present uncertainty will ebb and a resolution will be forthcoming. In a few cases, there’s even been a surprisingly positive outcome. By the way, this practice tends to spread to the others with whom I come in contact. In turn, they tend to make exceptions and go out of their way to help me.
Ambiguity is a fact of life and what I’ve suggested is not rocket science. But those who succeed on a life-long basis have developed the strategies necessary for navigating it. How about you?